TO THINK IS EASY.. TO ACT IS DIFFICULT .TO THINK AND ACT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT
I was really skeptic about posting this but I guess I owe an explanation to my readers who have been with me for so long. I keep on absconding from the blogging scene but there was a reason behind this which I thought to share with you all at the right time. I have been very anonymous and didn’t get personal in the blog. However there were some exceptions with whom I interacted at personal level. So here is my story in short.
Before JAN 2007
As part of my background I hail from a medium class family. I was always good at science and maths which prompted me to take science. Nobody in my family was from science background and I suffered a lot from this as no one was there to guide me. I didn’t join any coaching institute for my IIT prep and prepared on my own. I was pretty naive and did all kind of blunders hence I ended up repeating the year. I joined a local coaching institute and to my bad luck they also turned up to be fraud. This I came to know just after my screening results. I was able to clear the screening but no one was there to tell me how to proceed. Wherever I went they discouraged me. On 15th March 2001 I cried and gave up all hope for IITs and started preparing for other entrance exams. That was first year of AIEEE. I took all exams and did fairly well, also the state exam through which we get into NITs I got a very decent rank in that and was pretty sure to get into any one of the NITs(National Institute of Technology) . Apart from that I was offered civil in Delhi College of Engineering. I left the civil seat as I was keen to do electronics engineering. To my bad luck that year they scrapped of state exam for NITs and took admits through AIEEE. AIEEE was the first to give results and hence I submitted the fees in a deemed university where I got admit. After further up gradation they were not ready to return my money also I was not much aware about how second counseling used to happen for other entrance exams. Hence I ended up giving up seats of great colleges like BIT Mesra, IIIT Hyderabad etc. and ended up with a not much known college.
However after this phase I put all my energy into my studies and was topper of the university. All the time I used to think may be sometime in life I will get what I deserve. Placements started and I ended up with a great US based company which many people desired of and I being one of lucky few getting in core Electronics Company.
During my college days I always saw people more keen towards GRE but I had something else in mind. There were few guys who used to prepare for CAT(Common Aptitude Test). They had made a group and used to discuss and do GDs (Group Discussions) I came to know about CAT through them. It really fired me from inside as I found out more and more about CAT.
Year passed I bought all materials needed for prep. My job started and I came to Chennai. The life changed totally after that. The time I joined it was end of July 2006. I was to appear for CAT 2006. I couldn’t join any mocks because of my training schedule. It was pretty intensive also I was directly involved in customer projects due to sudden requirements. I was occupied with three things at one time training, project and flat hunting. In august due to some reason in chennai people don’t give house on rent. Faced lot of problem and couldn’t find any flat for a month I had to share room in a lodge with three other guys. It was 1.30 hrs away from my job place. I couldn’t find any time to study. This went on and the D-day came. Same time I lost a very special person. I went under depression and as expected results came I scored 75%ile. I lost all faith in me.
I finally decided to join Career Launcher ( a coaching institute). But I was not able to conc. much due to work pressure and the mental agony I was going through. I just used to attend class .never interacted with anyone. It was at that time I read prem_ravi post in pagalguy, a MBA preparatory forum. It was that day I cried and promised I won’t let myself down. I deserve something and won’t let myself down I need all the things I lost to be back. Many times my 75%ile used to haunt me also my past used to let me down. I used to come and read the stories in pagalguy.com to take inspiration. My work was still very hectic. It used to start at 8 in the morning and go on till 10-11 at night. By 12:00 AM I used to start my studies and till 3:00 am used to go on. It was getting tough for me as I was not able to study early morning and at night I used to feel sleepy. However I used to fight back by trying all sort of techniques which used to be like using amrutanjan ( a balm for headache) on forehead and tying wet towel. My health started falling down but I never lost the hope.
During that time also I started blogging. It was a suggestion from a friend as I used to be very depressed with my personal life.I used to write poems in hindi in my diary. He encouraged me to blog. Hence in march I started and gradually it became a passion. I met many new people through it. I kept myself anonymous as it gave me freedom to write anything.
I made some new friends like lisa, akshay, akansha, Rajeev, shashank and many more.
I used to share a lot with LISA and AKSHAY.
Mock started and I attended time open mock and CL mock same day. I got around 50%ile in Time and 82%ile in CL I was shocked to core. I felt all my hard work has gone down the drain. Only good thing was VA was still my strength and I cleared VA cutoff of CL mock.
That time I had a talk with Akshay, she really fired me and inspired me a lot to push myself to extreme. To give up everything and focus .and hence I decided to take hiatus from blogging.
Many users of forum told me that we should not be down by seeing mock scores. I carried on with my work. And every time I was getting better. I used to take two mocks and analyze them properly. I learnt a lot by analyzing and how to move forward. However still I was not able to clear all sections. This was continuously nagging me. Finally I decided to take leave from job. I made a false medical certificate and went home for prep two months before actual day.
While surfing PaGaLGuY I got this Rocky balboa quote which kept me going all the time. I pasted this quote infront of my desk and it is still there
“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that”
I used to do daily one test and used to take one section. My mock scores shot up. And I got my confidence back. My mocks were varying from 95-99%ile. But suddenly before last mock I scored 70%ile. This was a show down I started having second thoughts what if same will happen on the D-day. That was first time I came on ShoutBox ( a chat box of forum) and that day grondmaster( a user of pagalguy forum) and Harsharocks(another user) were online. They helped me out through that.
Harsha gave me the links of previous year IIM call getters mock scores. It really boosted my spirits and I felt a new energy inside me. With all my energy I revised everything last mock I got 98%ile all sections cleared
I was filled with joy but somehow was getting restless each day. The night before D-day I couldn’t sleep. I guess it was an emotional affair. Paper came. It was on last year pattern. I started with my strength Verbal Ability which as never let me down (always scoring around 95-99 %ile in that). This time per Reading Comprehension questions were less. One hour went I managed to do only 17 questions which were very less as per my performance. I was really disheartened took up DI and started solving. Easiest of all I couldn’t get in terms with paper. Half an hr was left and full quants was left. I felt I have lost it just managed to do 8 questions.
Came out no feelings.. nothing. Was just lost.
Dec 2007- Present
After this I came back to Chennai and met utsav through ShoutBox. And then the Chennai meet started that was my first outing in the year. I met many wonderful users of forum. The kind of energy and zest I felt it was never like that before. I used to personally loathe the place. But after meeting these people I found a new reason to stay there. Also to mention rajat one of the finest and balanced person I have ever met here. I got to learn a lot from him specially how to be cool. And crack GDs
Results came .IIMs dream was lost
However after a long time I got one single IIM call IIM Shillong.
I owe all my GD/PI preparation to utsav mamoria and his GTalk sessions.
What I learnt
- CAT: U gotta be cold .One should kill all his feelings towards it while attending it
- DOnt burn yourself out. I believe in the end i faltered because of working more than needed and in the end i felt saturated. It should be a balanced act
- CAT is not the end. CAT is the means of achieving an end. We often miss bigger picture
- While preparing for GD/PI I learned and realized it’s very important to know yourself. We should not be egoist one should fully acknowledge his strength and weaknesses
- Analyzing the mocks is the most important thing to do
I am now going to start a new life. Finally the MBA dream! I got through IIM Shillong!!!
While concluding, I would like to share a mail I got when I used to have self doubts. Hope it will help someone as it helped me. It was from utsav only
This is all i want to say
I believe that what you are going through we all go through at some point in life, albeit at some different levels.
It all boils down to the debate of Ends v/s means .The end can always justify the means. But each and everything you do may not be focused towards achieving the means.
Achieving the End is like the Tour de France. You may not win every stage, you may not always wear the yellow jersey, but in the end the one who endures and comes out on top collectively is the Winner.
Faith can move mountains. Just keep faith
P.S Converted IIM SHILLONG 😀