It is a realization of a writer. I mean a person is what s(he) writes. I have two worlds: – One of real people and one of people who understand what I write. Either of extreme can make one spin. Sometimes it is hard to find the difference between the two and you gradually started to shun that side. That’s what I believe maturity of an author is all about otherwise it would be like losing sense of real and surreal.
Everything is about loneliness that we try to evade. Even though others will believe I am quite complete with everything one desire of specially love. What is loneliness?
I believe loneliness is dissatisfaction. Dissatisfied with you needs, desires and dissatisfied because of a pursuit of who you are. People come and go and I am always left estranged mostly because of the expectations every new relation brought into.
And to evade that I started making myself oblivious and independent from such dependencies which drive my happiness. In that pursuit I started to come in terms with me, exploring who I am. In that way I lost the sense of belongingness. Now I can’t explain that to anyone around.
You cut yourself out but then you are all alone. It is like creating a perfect society within you like earth. It has a balance where people inside are talking, working and living so it can be done at human level too
It is such a vicious circle and when you realize that it has led you to become too independent and you have lost connection with any pulsating being. It enthralls you and you try to connect again knowing any other way would make you lose all the happiness you desired of.
I m again lost 🙂 now when she is there I am confused. I am confused with myself. It can be because I have let myself developed in an isolated system. I guess when anything new happens. It treats it like foreign particle and subconsciously you repel it like your body repels any external element.
Perhaps only solution left is to start connecting with nature. It is datum..Nadir
You start with feeling not just yourself but nature around like feeling even a small raindrop and you start connecting around. It won’t harm you as it is a perfect sink I believe.
You let yourself getting filled with that flux of energy. So a change can happen perhaps like the scientific theory where you need an external force to create that change. But somehow this vicious circle will never become a straight line. Nadir though a ground zero has an elusive force inside. It’s funny how you always take something from it and give it back too but it always leaves you dissatisfied again…