It is a realization of a writer. I mean a person is what  s(he) writes. I have two worlds: – One of real people and one of people who understand what I write. Either of extreme can make one spin. Sometimes it is hard to find the difference between the two and you gradually started to shun that side. That’s what I believe maturity of an author is all about otherwise it would be like losing sense of real and surreal.

Everything is about loneliness that we try to evade. Even though others will believe I am quite complete with everything one desire of specially love. What is loneliness?

I believe loneliness is dissatisfaction. Dissatisfied with you needs, desires and dissatisfied because of a pursuit of who you are. People come and go and I am always left estranged mostly because of the expectations every new relation brought into.

And to evade that I started making myself oblivious and independent from such dependencies which drive my happiness. In that pursuit I started to come in terms with me, exploring who I am.  In that way I lost the sense of belongingness. Now I can’t explain that to anyone around.

You cut yourself out but then you are all alone. It is like creating a perfect society within you like earth. It has a balance where people inside are talking, working and living so it can be done at human level too

It is such a vicious circle and when you realize that it has led you to become too independent and you have lost connection with any pulsating being. It enthralls you and you try to connect again knowing any other way would make you lose all the happiness you desired of.

I m again lost 🙂 now when she is there I am confused. I am confused with myself. It can be because I have let myself developed in an isolated system. I guess when anything new happens. It treats it like foreign particle and subconsciously you repel it like your body repels any external element.

Perhaps only solution left is to start connecting with nature. It is datum..Nadir

You start with feeling not just yourself but nature around like feeling even a small raindrop and you start connecting around. It won’t harm you as it is a perfect sink I believe.

You let yourself getting filled with that flux of energy. So a change can happen perhaps like the scientific theory where you need an external force to create that change. But somehow this vicious circle will never become a straight line. Nadir though a ground zero has an elusive force inside. It’s funny how you always take something from it and give it back too but it always leaves you dissatisfied again…



I find thee in the tiniest of joyous moments as well as in moments of deepest despair. An invisible power patient as ever as I strive harder to reach out to thee. Thou presence needs no proof and I ask for none

Life is woth living ..if you have someone worth dying for

Kuch ajeeb se hai ye manzar-e-kaynaat…ham khud hi se namuraad ek wada kar chale…
kuch alag se hai ye jazbaat-e-halat…ham aaine se apni parchai ka sauda kar chale…

looking for moon in the shadows of eternity..
In the wonders of my life..under the hillock of my destiny

For life where nothing is certain. I hope to find a wishmaster


Ek kadam mein kai saal jo guzre hai,
In a step many years have gone by
kai roz kai mah yu hi behisaab bikhre hai
many days , many months have been scattered without any count

Woh kehte hai kar lo samjhauta girte ret se aksar
They say to compromise with falling sand many times
himmat saraab hai jo mit jaayegi sehra mein dab kar
Courage is a mirage which will get buried in the desert

Na hi ilm hai unhe khwahisho ka, na hi tammanao ka sabab
Neither they  have the knowledge of dreams, nor the cause of desires
Nahi jaante hai woh harkat shab-o-roz ka, na hi waqt ki fitrat ka samajh
Neither they  know about the movement of night and day, nor they understand the nature of time
Mera raqeeb mere dua mein pal pal kahe
” migozarad!”
My watcher (almighty) says in my prayer
“It will pass!”

Karwan (gazal)

Phir aaj sham se guzri tanhai hai

woh jo rehte the mere nazro mein boondon ki tarah

aaj fir wahi ek mulaqaat yaad aayi hai

Har taraf ek sadme ka majma sa lage

woh gile kabhi halke halke se jo gire

nazm ki parchai mein aaj jaise aabshaar rukh kar aayi hai

phir aaj sham se guzri tanhai hai

Do palak waqt ki taabir jo sune

Madham madham si chandni mein kahi

harkatein soz ki bandishon is kadar aaj heena si rang laayi hai

phir aaj sham se guzri tanhai hai

Mere maalik..mere khuda..mujhse ek roz jo mile

ek sabab roshni ka bedaag hame bhi dikhe

hai qayamat ki jo roshni se ruswaai hai

phir aaj sham se guzri tanhai hai

Ye jo chalka hai mere gumaan ki tarah

hai nahi woh ek mausam ka asir

ek karwaan hai jalte kisson ka jo is taraf nazar aayi hai

Phir aaj sham se guzri tanhai hai

woh jo rehte the mere nazro mein boondon ki tarah

aaj fir wahi ek mulaqaat yaad aayi hai

  • mulaqaat :- Meeting
  • majma :- crowd
  • aabshaar :- waterfall
  • taabir :- meaning
  • bandishon :- constraints
  • harkatein  :- activity
  • ruswaai :- infamous, dishonoured
  • gumaan :- ego
  • asir :- prisoner

Insatiable [Part-1]

He has been looking outside the window for quite sometime. Yet he was not able to decipher the hyperbolic and surreptitious thoughts, which were hinting of a caffeine dependent night. A school of wisdom seems to shout and blind every other alternative.

Sometimes knowing is a curse. It’s better to rather live in ignorance than with the knowledge which is indicative of not incident or accident rather happenstance. Cursed are those who have noise inside their head. A constant persiflage, that grows inside you. A pregnant thought which seems impregnable. It’s not just sound which annoys, it is its decedent which under law of mutation completely tries to overpower you. And perhaps that is the time of shock! A reality check

Scions of light fervently crawl under the street of hollow untouchable light. He lights his cigarette. A stick with a crown jewel shining at the end waiting to be kissed by his master err slave. Rings of smoke arise in the sky with each breath making shapes of varied dance forms in their truest sense. It can be dance of joy, dance of love, dance of hatred or dance of insatiability.

You try to breathe slowly but your heart wants to defy your control. It becomes a race. Lungs pump and do their best but the blood in your body is yours, which like a true soldier and with highest degree of viscosity tries to hold them back.

He closes his eyes and thinks about the slow and steady rush of waves. How every single drop joins each other hands and in cadent style of action form waves which gives a sense of earth spin. Under the space of setbacks, lies and betrayal, his earth was spinning and his attitude were the waves splashing on the shore of his mind.

Today he has lost everything and there is nothing to back him up. So is this really over? Is this the time to quit? “A passionate guy”, He was fondly known by all. The revolving star in his eyes seems to be flickering in the extremities.

He reads the lines she wrote in his diary when they were parting hands, “If you are losing faith, have faith in my faith”

Below that a quote was scribbled in an unintelligent fashion from book of Shantaram “If fate doesn’t make you laugh, you don’t get the joke”. He turns another page with yet another puff.

He reads the lines written over there,” Will I be able to live my dream ever?? A dream kept on the hook because of rationalities. Risk averseness and clouded judgments. Unless you move out of shadows you can’t see the light though you ought to face scorching sun and sweat but at the end of day when sun subsides, you dream .You dream of the light and the whispers of morning sparrow

A drop from the corner of eyes guess escaped at that moment. It’s been years of fighting. An elusive war, which has been raging for years.

Sometimes you just wish to go back to the starting point of life and say “Let me try again“. It’s not a question of what and who now. It has become a question of how long.

His chain of thoughts suddenly takes a back seat as the cindery stick reaches its end. The mystic fuming life kissed his master and gives a wakeup call.

* to be continued…*


In blues and whites
In the bushes of Kites

They cut across..they come across
They turn and toss ..they prune and pause

Through the oceans of perpendicular velocity
Through the canter of viscous ferocity

The rise of wise.. They smile and apprise
The miniscule shadows of meadows.. they vilify and surmise

The turning board and dices of chimera
must be a prodigy of satirical era

The stage of necromancer.. The dance of Zephyr
purple gaze of haze ..My genie surrender to her desire

I wish but I can’t.. I can but I wont.. I may divide
My dreams under the rainbow lies stratified…


No Not very far it was lying in the inherited island of destiny

No Not so close either it was singing in the beguiled harbour of epiphany

Sure, though there is nothing as sorrow

Pure, though there is nothing as love of tomorrow

Unseen, unarmed, ambiguous is this romance

What you call ambition..is the aberration of chance

Causal are these shadows..they disappear to appear

Plausible it may seem to be not..but so is the genesis and fear

I , scion of randomness, have chosen to defy and deny this stigma

I, the mass and matter of this sphere of pervasive enigma..

City Lights

Try for the stars..hold them in your palm
You will see falling angels..mystic but so calm
Blow them away in that shallow valley
And you will find..the calling..calling of city lights…

Gone are the season of rust and deception
With the sunshine and the dust of perception
Crashing and burning with the heights
You can hear them calling..shining city lights…

Somewhere in the night..life has lost its time
Where Veil of mist is broken, so is the rhyme
Picture makes a promise that is yet to come true
Clasped hands whispering..whispering prayers of city lights…

The altar of wishes…tapered candles on the wall
Heart that breathes with the fireflies of your call
Simmering eyes..a quiet gesture..a quiet suggestion
The play of inane silence.. Silence of the city lights…

Meeting thee on the other side of the window
Where the night is the new day and present is the day of tomorrow
The constellation of roadsides and lamp posts
Try to find me..in the lost..lost city lights…

So when you fall..and night grows longer
When you need…and it gets colder
Will catch your dreams..and appear
As I am alive..alive in those city lights…


I wanna love you..Love has made me understand what honesty is.

What it is to live life and to improve. How to try to be good.


and love doesn’t ask me to marry you..wait for you.. leave you or stay with you… everything seems immaterial..

I just ask,hope and pray to love you honestly all my life..Its just If I dont get you.. I just cant be with anyone else, which against my wish I will have to..

and this will not allow me to love you..


I don’t want that to happen


Prismatic Dimensions

I am lost..perhaps in land of dunes and mirages
In obfuscated images ..in syllables of visages
To hold..to behold..I need thee for my constant premonitions
Says..my epiphany of varied stochastic ruminations…
I looked for thee in the shades of days…
In the oasis of life.. in the shadows of rays…
Through the looking glass.. Through submissions and omissions…
I finally have found you.. behind the veil of prismatic dimensions…